okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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