Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
