do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
