Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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