I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
