I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
