so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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