Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
