The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize