mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
