I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
