wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
