I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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