I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
