So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So much Jack, so little girl.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
