anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
