Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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