On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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