If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
