Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
