I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
