I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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