2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
