I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
