i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
