boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
