so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
