Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
