Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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