theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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