Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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