my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
