the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I will be naked everywhere
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
