Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
