Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
