How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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