I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
