so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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