Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
