This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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