I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
