Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
