I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
