I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
