WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
