so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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