i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
