Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
