i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
