Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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