well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
