I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
