you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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