She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My ass is underappreciated
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
