Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
