the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
