i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
