I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
