hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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