This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
