end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize