Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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