Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
