Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Did I show you my penis last night?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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