discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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