I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
