I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
