so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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