he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
