it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
