you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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