need another drink. this is the easiest way
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
