I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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