I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
