i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
