Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
