Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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