My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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