He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
