So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This is my life. Enjoy the view
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
