it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
