i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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