he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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