I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
