and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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