I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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