worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
