there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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