I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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