Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize