try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
