"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
