Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
