I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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