I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
