I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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