I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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