We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
