I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
