One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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