You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
