3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
