Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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