david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
