Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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