her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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