I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude i'm inner monologue high
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
