I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
