I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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