If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
