Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
