I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
